#342

After reading Wanting's blog, it occurred to me that I just snapped at her the other day. I'm truly sorry about that, but I've got no idea how to apologize to her.

I'm just sick and tired of being the one who seems to be the only one who cares about this clique. I've no other friends beside this clique, while W has the clique she hangs out with in and after school. Y has her CCA mates, and the one best girlfriend that's by her side in school. D has ambs clique & French classmates. Z has his own clique that he, without doubt, put before us. J has his own schoolmates and church mates.

What about me? I've no one else to depend on besides them. Sure, I've my family. But I would hesitate for countless days before I would be willing to open up to them. And by then, I would already forgot about my problems.

The clique that I hang out with in school? We share the same interest but I don't belong to them. I don't have a sense of belonging while being with them, and I'll never be part of them.

Sometimes I just wish these people who I truly call friends, would be willing to think of me as a friend too. I know I'm selfish to ask them to put everything down and think of just this clique. But at times like these I really wish I've something to hold on to. Because I don't wanna fall again. I need something to depend on.

I'm also tired of being the one who initiates meet-ups. I've the constantly "post dates up" just because "we are in the different school so we have different schedules". Different schedules, so what? As long as we're willing to accommodate each other, everything would work out. Why can't others see the same freaking thing that I see? Why?

I'm aware that you have other more important friends than me, but would you please open your eyes bigger and see that I might probably be the only one that needs y'all the most? Because I'm alone. And your other friends are in a clique. I've no more other cliques besides y'all. Nobody else's would understand me like y'all do.

Do y'all know how proud I am to mention you guys in front of everyone in school? They all envy us for having such a close relationship. And they always start wondering if their cliques would continue lasting after this last year they're having in school. I'm always proud to talk to them about you guys. And I know because I'm a retain student some of y'all might be ashamed to mention me. But I'm not requesting you guys to put me at the end of your tongue in every sentence you're saying. I just want you guys to see them importance you guys are in my life.

I just wished that the glint of proudness in my eyes when I mention y'all is still visible now. Because I don't really have anything to talk about you guys anymore...