Rackthebrains

#352

2012-01-01T00:10:00.002+08:00

It's been so long since I'm up here. It's 0010 of 010112 right now, so I guess I'mma make some new year resolutions.

Improve myself.
Be positive.

I guess that's all. So, tadah.

#351

2011-12-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

I really don't have anything to update......... But since Wanting wants me to update I shall just squeeze my brain juice until it's totally dried up. #bestbff

Apparently I've done nothing but waste my life away after O levels. I guess the most conductive thing I've done until now was ...................... attending the bakery class with Wanting? LMAO. But seriously though, besides staying at home sleeping away all mornings, using all afternoons at home with Photoshop program, Baidu bars and Tumblr opened and eating take-outs for dinner at night, I don't think I've done anything. LOL.

Please pray for me that I'm going overseas in the next 2 upcoming weeks. If not I think I might just continue rotting at home until school starts x___________x

#350

2011-11-05T01:23:00.004+08:00

#349

2011-10-29T15:48:00.003+08:00

Funny how I intended to do a blog post on Nuffnang Blog Awards, Here I Come, yet I just deleted the how blog post (it was already 75% done) and decided on another topic to blog about.

Well well, life's been good lately.

It's the O levels period and I still can't believe this is my 2nd shot yet I'm still doing badly. Yeah the results' not out yet don't give up don't lose confidence, this is what I've heard everyday.

But you can't help but feel like giving up after crying every single fucking piece of paper you've taken, you know? I mean, it's like, you walk into the examination hall with the mindset of 'okay I can do this. I've got a gazillion of encouragements' but when you flip open up that set of examination paper and you are stunned by the very first question.

You lose all hope at that point of time.

Nonetheless you try to complete them, and finish whatever you can do. But still, it's tough. Because you've already lost all hope.

I really don't know what to do the upcoming January when I receive the results.

#348

2011-10-09T11:16:00.003+08:00

02 July 2011

Met up with the bitches (without Jordon that is but I guess we can't label him with a bitch since he's the one who washes away our sins, according to Wanting :D).

Sarang.

Those pictures I always take there, it's enough already okay.
Don't need me to post anymore :D

After lunching at Sarang, we headed down to Haji Lane by foot.
Foot.
Foot.

Yes you read it right.

FOOT.

Thanks to the suggested idea by Mr. Damien Foo.

"It's gonna take approximately 30 minutes."
Therefore, the girls agreed. And guess what? It took us an hour.

And we had to meet up with this creature on the way there.

There's obviously a need to take a rest right?!
You can't expect us to walk an hour without a break.
I would die.

And apparently Haji Lane = walking.
So we took a longer break after that LOL.

Bugis for dinner and neopreeeeeents :D

Then we decided to act like... gangsters.....
by taking ~~artistic~~ pictures outside Bugis Junction LOL.

That's ahbeng + ahlian girlfriend.

We obviously fail.

And more fails.

No I didn't neglect Zeling!
He was just being too busy being photographer :D

Embarrassing shots. Omg.

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Failed group shots LOL.

Successful ones below:

Hehe I love these people so much you don't even know.
♥♥♥

#347

2011-10-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

This site deserves my attention, despite my upcoming examinations.
I'mma get judged for saying this but, hey, I deserve a break okay?
At least that's what I think.

Stay tuned for late updates for the next upcoming days. :D

#346

2011-09-25T13:31:00.000+08:00

Forget his name, forget his face, forget his kiss, his warm embrace. Forget the love that you once knew, remember he has someone new. Forget him when they played your song, remember when you cried all night long. Forget how close you once were, remember he has chosen her. Forget how you memorized his walk, forget the way he used to talk. Forget the things he used to say, remember he has gone away. Forget his laugh, forget his grin, forget the dimples on his chin. Forget the way he held you tight, remember he’s with her tonight. Forget the time that went so fast, forget the love that moved, it’s past.
Forget he said he’d leave you never, remember he’s gone forever.

-eletheowl

#345

2011-09-24T13:13:00.001+08:00

just thought I should just come up here before heading of to bed..

haven't been doing much lately to be quite honest.. which is why lotsa things have been running through my mind lately.

it's only three more weeks before o levels. i'm trying to work really hard now, but I really don't have any confidence. it isn't the lack of encouragements from people around me.. I have countless of them. it's the stress I'm putting on myself. and I don't even know why I'm putting this much stress on myself. it's not like, my parents are expecting a lot from me. I.. I really don't know.

these days, I really want nothing but to spend a whole full day with little baby girl. but even spending time with her makes me think a lot.

she's 21months old currently. I'm afraid of her growing up, I'm not even gonna lie to you. she's so precious to me that I'm so afraid of her growing up, and starts being independent, and leaves me. I don't want that. I.. it's not about me being attached to people easily. it's the fact that she is this precious to me and I don't think I can live without her.

with that being said, me being attached to people easily. I.. I still can't forget things that have happened last year. time has flew past so fast that I can't breathe. things that had happened last year are still being replayed in my mind vividly like they just happened. and they are the kind of awesome memories that I wanna forget or else I can never move on.

this, makes me wonder about another thing. why does these kinda stuffs exist in our lives? why can't we just move on after everything that has happened? or does this happens to me, and just only me.. because to be honest, I'm tired of being attached to someone, then them leaving me. everytime this happens, it doesn't make me learn, y'know? I'll still spread my arms wide and let everyone in without any hesitation. why am I like this?

this is just a random post, just random thoughts that have been running through my mind.

bye. :)

#344

2011-09-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

誕生日おめでとう!
愛してる, キー! ♡

#343

2011-09-09T23:59:00.002+08:00

I miss you so much.. I'm so so so happy to know that you're doing fine in there.
721 more days and you'll be back. I will wait. Time will pass quickly, I know it will. :')

#342

2011-08-09T15:28:00.002+08:00

After reading Wanting's blog, it occurred to me that I just snapped at her the other day. I'm truly sorry about that, but I've got no idea how to apologize to her.

I'm just sick and tired of being the one who seems to be the only one who cares about this clique. I've no other friends beside this clique, while W has the clique she hangs out with in and after school. Y has her CCA mates, and the one best girlfriend that's by her side in school. D has ambs clique & French classmates. Z has his own clique that he, without doubt, put before us. J has his own schoolmates and church mates.

What about me? I've no one else to depend on besides them. Sure, I've my family. But I would hesitate for countless days before I would be willing to open up to them. And by then, I would already forgot about my problems.

The clique that I hang out with in school? We share the same interest but I don't belong to them. I don't have a sense of belonging while being with them, and I'll never be part of them.

Sometimes I just wish these people who I truly call friends, would be willing to think of me as a friend too. I know I'm selfish to ask them to put everything down and think of just this clique. But at times like these I really wish I've something to hold on to. Because I don't wanna fall again. I need something to depend on.

I'm also tired of being the one who initiates meet-ups. I've the constantly "post dates up" just because "we are in the different school so we have different schedules". Different schedules, so what? As long as we're willing to accommodate each other, everything would work out. Why can't others see the same freaking thing that I see? Why?

I'm aware that you have other more important friends than me, but would you please open your eyes bigger and see that I might probably be the only one that needs y'all the most? Because I'm alone. And your other friends are in a clique. I've no more other cliques besides y'all. Nobody else's would understand me like y'all do.

Do y'all know how proud I am to mention you guys in front of everyone in school? They all envy us for having such a close relationship. And they always start wondering if their cliques would continue lasting after this last year they're having in school. I'm always proud to talk to them about you guys. And I know because I'm a retain student some of y'all might be ashamed to mention me. But I'm not requesting you guys to put me at the end of your tongue in every sentence you're saying. I just want you guys to see them importance you guys are in my life.

I just wished that the glint of proudness in my eyes when I mention y'all is still visible now. Because I don't really have anything to talk about you guys anymore...

#341

2011-07-14T18:24:00.000+08:00

I almost got knocked down by the car while leaving the school. The driver beeped me really loudly.

I wonder why he didn't kill me.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

#340

2011-07-12T22:36:00.001+08:00

I'm aware that I'm pushing everyone who's tryna sweep the burden away from my shoulders for me. I'm not blind, I'm not one without feelings. I can see that.

But I'm still pushing them away. I'm feeling so apologetic, but I don't want any help, because I don't need more people to judge me.

Please, whoever is controlling my life right now. I'm willing to go on my knees. I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't need it. I need a stronger determination to live on.

Because I can't find any reasons for me to stay alive.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

#339

2011-06-26T13:13:00.003+08:00

My relatives (paternal side) have some sort of "system". Every month, different people (of my generation) will be in-charge of planning the family gathering of the month. And by planning, it means that we have to fork out all the money that is needed to plan this month's gathering. This is to ensure that we meet up every month, and at the same time, my grandmom likes gatherings so, yup!

So it's my (with my sis/some other cousins) month to plan this gathering.

On the way to cuzzie's house to prepare everything~

Love the fact that my sister has a license! It's so convenient for us to go everywhere :p

We decided on a simple BBQ near cuzzie's house because it's super convenient for us to bring the stuffs over as my aunt (cuzzie's mom) wanted to buy almost everything outside instead of BBQWholesale! Not only that, loving the windy environment too! ;)

That's cuzzie's cuzzie (Joey), sis and cuzzie Xj!

Preparations~

Meesiam that my aunt cooked! It's super awesome I swear wtf. My whole family loves it!!

The four of us plus...

This cousin-in-law of ours are the planners for this month!

We were skyping with her instead of her being at the venue at that time because she was being locked in my cousin (her fiance)'s house as she left her bunch of keys at her own house. Super funny! She was really bored so we decided to skype with her while waiting for my cousin to be backkkkk.

And we decided to take a group picture:

That's her face IN the phone, and my name on the bag that Xy cuzzie is holding!

See her? LOL.

While waiting for everyone to reach~

Preparing the charcoal~

This is Zhitong my niece. She's super cute and funny I swear. She lives in a world of her own!

My mommy & I. I've always wondered why I got daddy's nose instead of hers.

Mommy brought lil Charmaine over! (fyi., she's my maternal side's baby cousin)

I look super unglam at the left picture but Charmaine looks good so it's fine, right?

This is cuzzie Grace who takes care of me whenever I go to any Kpop concerts (MULA/KPN).

Despite us being cousins, I think the both of us look really alike so I decided to take a picture of our daddies...

AND WE REALISED THEY LOOK ALIKE TOO.

LOL.

That was a stupid comparability. Mind me not.

Thank you for reading and, tata!

#338

2011-06-24T00:35:00.001+08:00

Random pictures that were taken by my iPhone on random days!

11:11

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This is baby Charmaine's expression when she sees something she dislikes.

1. "Is this camera shooting me? I think it is..."
2. "Smile since it's shooting me!"

1. Ahhh~
2. Chooo!

She was sweeping the floor and hugged the broom telling me "mine".

Vain baby!
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Went to Malacca with the school on one of the weekends.

Having lessons in the function room of the hotel!

Literature classmates :D

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Late night karaoke visit with cousins & cousin-in-law.

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People say we look alike. But I think we look the most alike when we smile!

I like annoying her ^^

Look at this cheeky smile she has!

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Edited using iPhone apps!

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Selcas when I'm bored~

Took this 2 pictures then realised I could barely see my eyes with my long fringe so...

TADA! My short forehead!

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The dark pictures because I took selcas usually before I sleep.
I always believe that I look the most photogenic at night, just before I turn in.

Hehe loving this camera app~

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Wore this out to meet Damien & Wanting one day for brunch and movie.
Totally loving this comfy dressing style!

We went to the arcade because I wanted to play Jubeat!!

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So yup~ that's all~ teeheex.

#337

2011-06-20T22:39:00.002+08:00

I think...

There's a need for me to have a higher level of tolerance.

#336

2011-06-19T12:51:00.001+08:00

"You didn't love her, you just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe, she was just good for your ego, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her, because you don't destroy the people you love."
-Grey Anatomy
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

#335

2011-06-16T20:00:00.001+08:00

In this post, I'mma show off my rings because I love being random.

Ahem.

I've a big collection of rings because I loooooooooooove rings. It's my favourite accessory! I don't wear bracelets/necklaces because it's very troublesome for me to remove it. Rings are too easy to be worn! And comes in lotsa designs/patterns! They're usually cheap! And you can wear A LOT of them at the same time you'll still look fashionable! So yuuuuuup, love it to the max! Thus my huge collection haha.

Just showing off a few my favourite ones! ....with short fingers of mine.

I've a thing for connector rings so I always keep a look out on them. I only own 2 :( The LOVE one was from F21 and the heart-shaped key one was from a random shop in Jurong Point!

This is the huge ass heart shaped ring I got from Ohsofickle the last time I visited town. I fell in love with it at first sight so I bought it without any hesitations!!

This was from a random shop at Haji Lane. Haji has lots of rings for this kind so.. yup!

This was from G-Market!! I looooooooooove huge rings cus they're so pretty!! (in my point of view)

From F21. Told you I love huge rings!

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Looks familiar? ;) Anyway, I'm selling this one off. Click on the picture for more info!

#334

2011-06-15T18:07:00.005+08:00

當我走在去過的每個地方
總會听到你那最自由的笑
當我回到一個人住的地方
最怕看到冬天你最愛穿的那件外套

只是哪怕周圍再多人感覺還是一個人
每當我笑了心卻狠狠地哭着

給我一個理由忘記那么愛我的你
給我一個理由放棄當時做的決定
有些愛越想抽离卻越更清晰
那最痛的距离是你不在身邊卻在我的心里

"I miss the good morning & good night texts you would send me.
I miss when you called me beautiful. I miss holding hands.
I miss how we could talk all day, and not get bored.
I miss how you would hug me when I said I was cold.
I miss you said you'd never leave me. I miss when you actually cared.
I miss us being together. I miss you."

#333

2011-06-14T23:01:00.001+08:00

If you're starting to worry, please do not be. Because, to assure you, nope, this post isn't full of my camwhore pictures!! Muahahaha.

So yup, it wasn't Friday, but met up with the bitches! Just 2 of them though :( Because other 3 were having their respective camps. Super sad! I was missing them so much :(

Nonetheless, still had fun with the other 2!!

Brunched at Sarang because Damien had vouchers!! Typical cheapskate Singaporeans.

First time having Korean cuisine. Better than what I expected!! Price is reasonable and food is awesome!! Not as spicy/sour as I thought lol. Sorry but yeah, I'm the stereotypical type.

Oh and I tried kimchi for the first time. FML to the max. I almost swore to never ever marry a Korean, man. And I kept thanking Gods that the only Korean man I've ever thought of marrying ain't that Korean. His favourite food are angmoh-ish ones.

Chewy Surprise Tteokboki // Yeondubu jjigae
The jjigae was soooooooooo awesome that I don't have any words to describe!! So so so so so awesome. Must try for every diners at Sarang!!

Bulgogi!! Our favourite main dish there oh my God. Tasty to the max I swear!!

Before start eating must take pictures, because all the food are still untouched & perfect & gorgeous.

Presenting to you Joon & Rain's autograph!! Wanting was like "why did they come Singapore for Korean cuisine when they're from Korea....."

Before I see the real Seoul Tower... This one isn't that bad too. Random love note I took.

Gongcha Gongcha Gongcha.

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, Golden Ovaltine!

Far East Plaza for Damien's suspenders.

Haji Lane:

Bought this drink at $2.50. Since so many bloggers are recommending it, buy already also must camwhore!

Super artsy shots.

Attempted to take one more for Wanting below the trees but obviously failed.

Ajisen at Bugis for dinner!

On the train home~

iPhone shots as usual:

I thought of the right steps for these shots!! Wtf they should totally hail or salute me.

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I overspent today. Let's see what I bought.

1 floral romper from Forever 21
1 owl top (which is supposed to be lingerine but I decided that was too pretty & cute to be a normal lingerine) from Forever 21
1 plain top from Forever 21
1 hugeass heart-shaped ring from OSF (FEP)
1 pair of VW inspired wings platform sandals from OSF (Haji)
2 rings from a random shop at Haji
3 hair accessories from Bugis Street

That's all. And I spent $122.

Heart was aching to the max after calculating how much I spent. I should really start looking at the prices before I choose something................... or maybe go for Bugis Street stuffs instead. Cheap cheap~

#332

2011-06-11T23:59:00.002+08:00

This last minute of 11 June 2011,
I would like to thank everyone who wished me happy birthday.

Mummy kissed me the moment she woke up.
Daddy ended work early because it was my birthday.

Evelyn my baby sister (of different parents!) loves me despite I'm a bitch.
Wanting's blog post was super touching, so grateful :')
YiLin was the first one to wish me at 12am punctually.
Zeling attempted to be the last one to sms me before I sleep, and succeeded.
Damien was awesome by waiting for someone to wish me before wishing me.

♥

#331

2011-06-10T23:44:00.001+08:00

Friday is Wanting, YiLin, Damien, Zeling, Jordon and my favourite day. Why?

Because we get to meet each other.

It was a day filled with surprises. Endless surprises, I must say.

I was supposed to head down to Wanting's crib to bake cupcakes with her, along with Damien. We wanted to use the cupcakes to surprise other bitches. In the end I was too sleepy to leave my house that early, so I went back to sleep after bbm-ing Wanting a text.

Woke up and headed down to Jurong Point for brunch with Momma and Sister.

This is my baby Charmaine in her maxi dress! Well it wasn't supposed to be a maxi dress but she was too short, so.. yeap. Heehee. But ain't she just adorable in this?! She likes this dress so much that she couldn't stop praising herself! She would tap her dress and smile sweetly to us, saying "nice nice!".

Erm okay sorry. I shall get back to the main point now!

So.. I texted Wanting at about 3.30pm and told her I would leave JP at 3.45pm so that I can reach at 4pm (supposedly meeting time). She told me she's doing housework so she would be late, so I should only leave JP when she bbms me again. After she told me that, I called Damien and he told me he thought the meeting time was at 5.30pm! I told Wanting that and Wanting told me to ask him to meet us at Bugis.

I didn't suspect anything at all omg! So I just passed the message and headed down to Jurong East. I saw Zeling there so we waited there like idiots for Wanting to reach. Zeling was complaining how Wanting would definitely be lying to us and yada yada but I didn't suspect anything at all wtf.

And suddenly.... Wanting walked down the train with Damien. I was so shocked wtf. And they came with cupcakes!! For me!! I was sooooo shocked and touched wtf! So I was complimenting them for the first time being successful for a surprise lmao!

And yup, we headed down to Bugis. After we reached there, I was told that YiLin would be coming down and you don't even know how elated I was!! She wasn't supposed to join us because of her super high fever. So Wanting and I went to meet Cyl to get seats at Nando's while the boys went to Sim Lim to get Damien's iPhone fixed.

After dinner at Nando's, we headed to the Ladies'. And guess what? I came out from the Ladies only to see a slice of cake from Jordon! I was soooooo touched seriously! They've been doing so much behind my back (this phrase is meant to be something good) and just.. I was really touched!

So... end of surprises. Lmao! We proceeded to Bugis Street to shop for a bit before turning back to Bugis Junction for Frolicks!

Then... trained back! ;)

Pictures taken from iPhone:

Why do we take pictures using iPhone despite having a DSLR?:
DSLR is too clear and it shows all our flaws which we all hate so we prefer iPhone pictures.

Once again thank you for all the hard work you guys did while planning the surprises and everything!! I'm sincerely thankful and I love you bitches so much ok!!

Toodles!

#330

2011-06-07T22:27:00.006+08:00

D.I.Y.s
(Do It Yourself)
from Wild Olive

1) Felt Mystery Braid Bracelet

Ever heard of the Felt Mystery Braid bracelet? I wouldn't blame you if you haven't, because today's the first time I've heard of it.

It's gorgeous isn't it? Perfect to go with any casual dressing style!

I personally really like doing D.I.Y. stuffs. The first thing I've ever D.I.Y.-ed should be my 2011 daily organiser. As fail as it turned out to be, I had a sense of satisfaction after doing it.

So last night at about 12am (wtf) I was browsing through the net online for something for me to D.I.Y. and I found this thingy. I was so excited that I bookmarked the page and did it this morning!

I wouldn't call it a successful attempt because I liked the braids I did. But, of course I didn't cut it as pretty as Mollie did.

If you're wondering who's Mollie, it's the name of the person whose blog I found. She's the blog owner of Wild Olive and I found this tutorial here. I've yet to sew a button up to secure it on my wrist. This is the only problem I'm facing. I don't know how to handle a needle. :( I could ask my mum to do it for me but.... I'm lazy to even talk to her about this whole thing.

Yup, that's how lazy I am. :/

I hope you guys try this out anyway! Even if you fail, do it again! Because this is my second attempt doing it! I failed the first time, hehe!

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2) Paper Chains

I did this too! This is really simple. Because, really, all you hafta do is to follow the steps here. Which I summarise it as: print the pdf file out and link them together.

And this was what I got:

It's really simple, isn't it?! And yep, this is what I call a successful attempt. Hehe!

Satisfied with what I did. Gonna print some cupcake flags and probably print some printables from Wild Olive! She's so awesome you don't even know! Love her!

#329

2011-06-01T22:28:00.000+08:00

#328

2011-05-28T16:04:00.018+08:00

It was Friday, thus we met up as usual.

I made up a rule which says the last person to reach the meeting place would be punished. How? Treat everyone to a cup of watermelon juice (just because it's $1 after a certain timing) after dinner.

I was supposed to be late because I promised the loser I would meet her at Lakeside and we would go down to Jurong East (meeting area) together. But I didn't want to treat everyone because I was the one who set up that rule. It would be so embarrassing for me to lose this bet! Thus I trained over to Jurong East alone first, leaving the loser to lose.

After everyone had reached, we were supposed to take the shuttle bus over to IMM but moron number 1 told us the wrong way to wait for the bus and moron number 2 made it worse by telling us the shuttle bus service is no longer available at that timing. Thus moron number 3 decided that we should just walk over instead.

I'm naming them morons because I've got no idea who they were. I just heard voices telling me "EH WE SHOULD DO THIS LA, EH WE SHOULD DO THAT LA, EH JUST WALK TO IMM LA". Made me so pissed off for walking such a long distance that I kept complaining that how hot the weather was and how tired my legs would be.

God must have got irritated by my complaints thus a shuttle bus suddenly appeared in front of us while we were crossing a zebra crossing. We kept pointing and pushed one another, to ask the driver to pick us up over to IMM. None of us dared to, and the super nice driver aunty opened the door herself and asked us to go up. Super hilarious. We were giggling throughout the whole journey just because of that.

Settled dinner at Secret Recipe.
What did we eat?

x 5

Jordon merely had a piece of cake because he wanted to "save money".

Then, Daiso to make a nuisance out of ourselves.

Then, garden plaza to make another nuisance out of ourselves.

Because we snatched the slides with the kids.
They stated there that they're for kids aged between three to twelve.
YiLin and I claimed, "we are only twelve".

I don't even care if we looked like idiots, it was fun!!
Not really but it was really hilarious while climbing the 'ladders' up and getting side-eyed by other kids.
They were like "OMG CAN Y'ALL PLEASE BE FASTER?". Well they didn't voice these out but we knew that they were thinking about that.

Damien teaching Wanting how to ask Jud questions.
Wanting learn how to ask Jud questions.
Zeling being curious about asking Jud questions.
YiLin being overly self-obsessed.
#storyofourlives

Say hi to my favourite oppa!! I'm part of "Zeling's fanclub."

That's me acting like a crazy fangirl. Damien's my idol.

And a 'want to giggle cannot giggle fangirl',
as quoted from Chiam YiLin, my idol in this picture.

Zeling was about to fall. The reason why he's looking so calm here is because
Damien was behind him supporting him by holding his, please be alarmed not,
butt.

I took the left one using a DSLR and YiLin took the right one using Zeling's iPhone. We took it at the same time thus the effect on Zeling's iPhone. Super funny, we laughed over this picture for a super long time. It's just too hilarious. I'm still giggling here while typing this.

So guess who was the latest and had her punishment?

Chiam YiLin.

I wasn't aware that photography wasn't allowed in MRT stations.
I knew about it only after we took these 2 pictures.

That's me, showing off my straight white teeth. Chiam YiLin is jealous.

#327

2011-05-27T16:00:00.003+08:00

He was mine. But not really.
I never really had him, so I never really lost him.

I guess this is how we will always be.

I had him, and he had me...
but then again there was no really US.

I played the piano today. I scanned through my scores, and I found a particular one. You gave that to me, and told me you would like to hear this. I didn't realise my feelings for you back then, thus I just kept it aside. I found it today. I wish I could rewind the time back and practice that piece for you until it becomes perfect. Just for you.

It's too late. It's all too late. I still miss you, and the times we spent. The days you would hug and text me, and tell me you love me and yada yada.. But it's all too late. Really.

I don't know if I should be sorry for not appreciating you back then. Because to be honest, you treat everyone else the same. I don't know if you were truly appreciating me, sincerely.

Nonetheless, I wish I could be back in your arms. I miss you, baby..

#326

2011-05-25T11:52:00.004+08:00

Happy anniversary, babies.

"Fuck distance. Be here with me right now."

#325

2011-05-24T20:43:00.004+08:00

I've done so badly for mid-years. And, once again/as usual, I've thought of giving up on everything, including myself..

But after thinking about it, it's not all worth it.

I think that I've worked hard already. Since this is what I get, I should continue working harder in the next 5 months. Give it all. And achieve better results than what I've got last year. I cannot waste my time anymore. I have no confidence I can do it, but I'm not gonna think about that. I'll not care about the results, I'll just keep doing and doing and doing.

I'm just left with 5 months. Just 5 months.... before I'll be free...

I must say it's the first time I've thought through these kinda stuffs myself. For the whole of last year, I needed to have my mum to sit beside me and talk to me. But now, I spend my time thinking through..

I think I've grown up. :)

#324

2011-05-23T01:52:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to pretend you don't exist. Instead, I'll do something better.
I'll show you I'm doing alright without you.

#323

2011-05-22T15:06:00.010+08:00

What is in my bag?

What bag am I using?
1. Louis Vuitton Daniel GM.
My sister bought it at Orchard Ion's Louis Vuitton a few days after it was opened. She planned to bring it to school initially but it was too huge for her so yup, I'm using it now! The size is totally just right for my iPad.

What is in my bag?
2. My make up pouch.
It's neither too big nor too small. I'm not too sure where it popped out from. I ransacked a random wardrobe in my house and found it! (To know what is inside please read on.)
3. My "medicine bag".
Bought it from Mustafa a few months back at only 2 bucks! There's a small mirror inside too. It was really cheap so Mum, Sis and I bought one each. I throw all my pills inside. Pills as in the ones I take for my anxiety attack, migraine, sensitive nose and gastric problems. Besides pills, I put my lip balm, inhaler and nail clipper in it too.
4. My iPad.
The cover is hideous, I know. But it's leather so I like it. I'm tryna search for a Toy Story 3/Spongebob one currently.
5. Wallet.
(To know what is inside please read on.)
6. Travel pack tissue.
I like to bring travel pack one around because I've a really sensitive nose. If I don't bring this out, I'll feel very insecure.
7. Book
I bring a book with me wherever I go. Currently reading this one by Catherine Lim, my all time favourite Singaporean author.
8. Earpiece
See the golden key earpiece coiler? Bought it from Nubox last year. It comes with a ear piece but I didn't like the ear piece, so I changed to the Apple one.
9. Blackberry Bold 2 9700
My orangey-yellow housing is broken currently which makes me sad to the max. I'm tryna find time to go down to Cineleisure to get a new one!
10. iPhone 4
Screen protector is a little tad bit torn at the top left hand corner because I couldn't stop dropping it. Thank God it's there to protect the phone. Because I would probably cry if my screen is broken instead.

What wallet am I using?
Louis Vuitton Trésor Wallet.
Have been using it since February 2010 if I'm not wrong. But I'm sure it's over a year so it's kinda dirty.

What's in my wallet?
1. Postage stamps.
I place them in my wallet because if I leave it in my house, I would forget where I place them. And I send letters often!! Hehe.
2. Yami yogurt stamp card
Errrr yup I love Yami yogurt.
3. Polaroids
Polaroids of my favourite people!
4. Neoprints
Amazed, huh? Yup I still take neoprints, hehe.
5. Ez-link card
With a Mr. Potato Head that Key loves at the back!
6. Photos
Yes I've one SHINee and two Dongwoon. Please be amazed not, I just liked the blonde Dongwoon with a SHINee banner at the back. Yoseob took that picture of him at SHINee World concert in Korea so I like it a lot!! Don't get me started on what he did before/after/at the concert, I might just yak and spazz endlessly.
7. Card
This was from Wanting. She loves me so she wrote that for me, hehe. So the content is about her promising that she'll forever be by my side along with YiLin. I keep that with me because I use that to remind myself that someone will always be there for me no matter what happens.

What is in my make up pouch?
1. Pressed powder by Missha.
Bought it when I was like 14... For the sake of performing. Still using it now because the color suits me!
2. I don't know what is that called.
I use it to apply foundation. It's extremely dirty on the other side, I must say, HAHA.
3. Missha strawberry flavoured lip gloss.
I don't apply lipstick but I apply lip gloss. I don't care if it's weird I apply it just because I like the smell, taste and colour!
4. Loreal foundation
It took me ages to find a colour that suits me.... My mum found it anyway.
5. Packets of tissue papers.
I'm the well known self-proclaimed tissue queen, fyi.
6. Chocolate mirror
This is really popular between little girls but Idgaf because I bought it when I was like 13. And since it's big enough for me to use and small enough for me to bring it around, why not?
7. Biore oil cleansing wipes.
I don't really use it.. My sister bought it. I don't use it because I've the mindset that says, using it will cause my skin to have more pimples.

#322

2011-05-21T16:18:00.006+08:00

Well I was just bored.
You're just unlucky to click on the 'read more' above and accessed this page.
So yup, God bless your eyes for chancing upon my fugly face, k?

Bye!

#321

2011-05-20T23:44:00.003+08:00

My day started out so badly I swear.

Firstly, I was reluctant to get outta my bed.
Then, I couldn't find my watch after changing into my uniform.
I took about 5 minutes to search for it.

After reaching school, we had to take back our results.
That was the worst part.

But I guess I ain't gonna elaborate in this post..
After all, my day ended well, as you can see from the above Facebook status.
Yup that's right, thanks to the awesome people, once again.

Well the awesome failures tried to surprise me but as the failures they were,
they failed obviously. But well....... you can't really blame them.
The culprit has gotta be my sister to be honest. Hehe.

But still, I appreciated what they did so so so so so much.
I was supposed to meet them at IMM but being selfish and only thinking about myself,
I decided not to meet them. Because of this,
they had to come to my house instead to surprise me to cheer me up..
I feel like I've wasted their time..

Above ain't the only stuffs they did.
They didn't ask me what happened in details. They just knew I had a bad day.
They just kept making me laugh by being themselves,
instead of being two-faced. I appreciate that so so so so much.

Look! They even bought all these balloons to cheer me up!

Photobooth as usual :D

Damien's geek specs! Don't we look cute with it?
HAHAHAHA.

Thank you so much awesome peeps!!
I feel appreciated, and I definitely appreciate you guys.
♥♥♥♥♥

#320

2011-05-15T02:05:00.002+08:00

★

her name was star. it was a stupid name for a stupid, silly girl. he was pretty sure her parents named her when they were high, because it was not a secret that they relied on drugs to take them away. she was mysterious and confusing, and often she’d say things that convinced him that everything they had was just a game. she spoke quietly and laughed loud, and had a tattoo of a star behind her ear, predictably. she was beautiful, in that kind of delicate way. she had cornsilk hair and huge green eyes that turned blue when she cried.

he’d only seen her cry once, when he walked up into her room like he always did. she was curled in a ball, and at first he thought she was sleeping. but he heard her sniffling, and as she rolled over, he caught a glimpse of her now shockingly blue eyes before she pressed her face against his chest.

he couldn’t find the words to ask her what was wrong without making her more upset, and she didn’t offer any explanation. so he held her as she cried and kept holding her until she had succumbed to the call of sleep. and while she was sleeping, he traced patterns into the soft skin of her back and looked out her window. it seemed fitting that he’d wish upon a star, so he closed his eyes and wished to stay with her like this forever.

the morning came and when he opened his eyes, she was gone. he wandered through her house, maneuvering through the piles of books stacked on the ground and the towers of empty coffee cups. he found her outside, sitting daintily on a swing, her sparkly purple painted toes dragging across the ground.

“so last night…” he trailed off like he usually did, once again unable to think of the right thing to say.

she looked at him, her eyes green once more. the corners of her mouth turned up, almost as if she was smiling but not really.

“i just love you.” she said quietly, placing a kiss on his cheek.

he stood there for a second. it was the first time she’d ever said that, and he couldn’t believe it. star, who was always mysterious and unattached, had said the words he’d been to scared to say.

“i love you too.” he said, just as quietly. they looked at each other for what seemed like an endless amount of time until finally she let out a giggle. their lips pressed together and she weaved her fingers through his.

she was emotional and impulsive, and he stayed with her through all of it. even when she was so high she couldn’t stand up or form coherent sentences, or when she wouldn’t call for days at a time only to finally call him at 3 in the morning, or when she would purposely look at him while laughing with another guy, her hand resting on their arm. he never said a word.

it was a tuesday night. he had fallen asleep on his math textbook, pencil still in hand. the window was open, and he wasn’t exactly sure how she did it, but he woke up to the sound of her feet kicking against the space below his window. she perched on his window sill, dressed in a cotton summer dress even though it was almost october.

“what time is it?” he asked, confused as to why his girlfriend was sitting in his window in the middle of the night.

she ignored his question, like she always did and just looked at him. he was used to this, there were instances where he would find her staring at him, a contemplative look on her face.

“i don’t know if i can do this anymore.” she said, motioning with her hands.

there was silence. his breath slowed as he looked at her. she was staring at the ground, legs crossed at the heels and hands slightly shaking. her constant composure was failing, he realized. but so was his. there was no time to pretend anymore, to seal emotions between closed lips, to ignore the loaded glances they often exchanged.

“do… what?” he asked, but her already knew the answer.

her blonde hair had fallen in front of her face, so he never got to see her cry for the second time. “we’re not right for each other. we both know it.” her gaze stayed on the ground as she spoke, her voice trembling. “you don’t look at me the way you used to. and we talk without saying anything and i just can’t do it. i can’t.”

“i just don’t know what to say.” he said desperately, panic seeping into his voice.

“thats the thing! we should have everything to say to each other. you’re supposed to love me! we were supposed to be forever!” she said, the voice becoming more hysteric with each word.

once again, the silence that filled the room was deafening.

“we still can be forever.” he said, looking at her. but he knew it was too late. once star made up her mind, it could not be changed. she was stubborn, an unchangeable whirlwind of a girl.

all she did was shake her head, before stumbling over to him. she pressed a kiss on his cheek and slipped out the window just as quietly as she had come in. he didn’t know she had been crying until he felt the tears she had left on his face when she kissed him.

he sat there for a long time, looking at everything and seeing nothing. his fingers traced stars on his knee and suddenly, he was off his feet. the door slammed behind him as he sprinted out of his house, running toward the familiar brick house.

he found himself standing below her window. his general plan had been to climb into her room, like she had, but there was nothing for him to climb up. but her window was open, and even though the lights were off, he knew she was awake.

“star.” he started, calling up to her window. there was no response. “star. come on.” he called loudly, waiting a moment. “star, you can’t just do this to me. i didn’t do anything wrong.” he waited. “you can’t just decide to end it, like its up to you. i was part of this too.” still he heard nothing. he was starting to grow angry, she always did this. shut him off like he meant nothing to her, and maybe he didn’t but she meant everything to him. didn’t that count for something. “you lead you’re whole fucking life behind a wall. you know it. you shut me off like you shut off all the rest but i’m not your parents or your friends, you love me, remember? if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have said it. we could have been forever if you had just let me. fuck star, i wanted to give you everything and tell you all the things you wanted to hear, but you never let me.” he paused, chest heaving, breaths heavy.

the curtains ruffled and he knew she was there, sitting in the darkness. “you can’t keep pushing people away. you pretend like you’re this bright light that everyone loves but no one can get close to without getting burned, but you’re going to burn out. you’re going to run out of those cryptic comments and all that mindless shit that people think is you being witty and charming. i don’t want charming!” he was yelling now, all traces of calm gone. “fuck you star. just fuck you. you don’t want me, great, i don’t want you either.” lies. he couldn’t tell her that she had torn him apart and taken away the only light in his life, in only one night.

the window slammed shut and then once again, it was silent.

as he was walking home, he looked to the night sky. he spotted a shooting star, and a laugh escaped from his lips at the irony of it. he did not wish upon it, because he know understood the fickleness of shooting stars. they are beautiful flashes of light that catch your eye and make you stop and stare in wonder. they are burning balls of brilliance that illuminate the sky, and in a second, they are gone. and all that is left is darkness.

#319

2011-05-14T12:50:00.002+08:00

Met the most precious people on Earth yesterday.
We went to the most boring place ever to settle down. But to us, it was the company that mattered.
Therefore, we had infinity amount of fun. More than you can ever imagine. ♥

We took pix using Zeling & my iPhone.

Can you see Damien and Zeling's eyeliner? I drew them! Hehehe!

Yup, Photobooth using Jordon's Macbook next.

Left to right:
Jordon, Damien, Jessica, Zeling, YiLin, Wanting

These effects cracked us up so much!

After slacking at Starbucks, we headed down to have snow ice~

Promised to meet up every weekend to slack, hehe.
Love them to bits and pieces!

Even though I just met Zeling yesterday, I must say we get along pretty well. At least he didn't do anything that annoyed me! I thought it was because we aren't close so he didn't do anything which was irritating in front of me but later, I realised that, his close friends (like YiLin/Wanting for instance) were there too so there wasn't any reason for him not to be himself.

As for the other 4 of them, Wanting, YiLin, Damien and Jordon, they are the ones who stayed by my side the times I doubted friendships existed. Especially Wanting.

We might have known each other for 13 years, but I can tell you honestly. It's not the time that matters, it's the amount of things y'all went through that matters. Wanting and I didn't start out to be best friends. I can tell you, we became best friends only when we were 13. We rarely talked between the age of 4 to 12. We got closer only because we went to the same tuition centre. And we eventually got closer. We never failed to stay by each other's sides whenever one of us was down. She's the first one I approach whenever I need help. And she never rejects me. I remember that I once cried while calling her because of my O levels' results. She was helpless then. But she didn't say anything else besides "okay you calm down first~" and continued consoling me. I appreciated that so so so so soooo much you don't even know. But that's not the only thing which she did that I appreciated. If you want me to list them out, I don't think I can finish them up. :) I'm glad because I've met her. She's the one who proved to me that - true friendship exists. Love her soooooo much. Girl, I know you haven't been feeling good. But please always bear in your mind that, I'm just a call/text/bbm away.

That goes to the other 3 of you bitches too! So please remember this:
I'll always be by your side. It's a promise, okay.
Because you guys never fail to be with me whenever I need someone.

Thank you. I love you all. ♥

#318

2011-05-13T17:54:00.000+08:00

If you've noticed, I edited my bio column at the right sidebar. I've only put down the link to my Facebook and Twitter.

For your info, I've deactivated my Tumblr and Formspring account. Tumblr because I've been pretty inactive there, and I don't need an account to view Tumblr accounts. So, yeah, I just deactivated it without second thoughts.

Regarding Formspring, I've been thinking about it for a while now. I've been receiving too much questions that are inappropriate. Wait, I don't think inappropriate is the right word. They're pretty offensive to me and moreover they are anonymous.

I didn't use to let these kinda stuffs to get to me but recently they were pretty much getting out of hand.

"Do you think you can become Mrs. Kim? He wouldn't want a pig as a wife."
"Please slim down, it's for your own good. You're getting so fat OMG SLIM DOWN PLEASEEEEEEE"

If only those people knew how much these words would hurt someone's self-esteem.

I have a pretty much low self-esteem, despite me taking so much taking pictures of myself. If only you people know how much I've to consider before posting up those pictures of myself. Yes, haters would go "then don't take!". But that's the only way I see the good side of myself.

I don't think I'm pretty. I don't need people to tell me that too, because to me, I think they're only saying it to make me feel happy. They're just lies. White lies. Nonetheless I still thank them for the white lies. Because at least they care about my feelings, they tell me I look good because they feel that the words will make me happy. I appreciate so much you don't even know.

I should appreciate criticisms too I know. But sometimes some things are too much to take in for me, you know? If you people know how much those words hurt. I know I'm fat, ugly, and I will never be compatible to anyone. But is there a need for you to voice those hurtful words out?

Haters will think that me choosing to delete my formspring account is a cowardly act. If so, I admit I'm a coward then. I can't stand these any longer.

#317

2011-05-13T00:21:00.000+08:00

I've been a good girl lately by studying really hard for my examinations.......

But I do get bored too :(

So Daddy brought me to the Crockfords' Tower for a weekend stayover last weekend!

And that made me a happy girl, hehe!

So momma's family was there too and my uncle and aunties brought us to Sentosa. It was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuun I can't really remember the last time I was there! But I've yet to visit the Universal Studio so.... THAT'S MY REGRET lmfao.

I spent my 2nd night watching the election stuffs and.. I was never interested in politics' but, I don't know, I just wanted to watch. But I'm glad I did because I love Yam Ah Mee ohkay teehees.

Alright so........ I'm just left with 2 minor papers (BWAHAHAHA)
and bye-bye mid year exams!! ;)

#316

2011-05-12T21:14:00.001+08:00

Little Charmaine is one of the most precious thing on Earth, to me.
And she forever will be.

Looking back at all my past months' posts.. She has grown so so so so so much.
Look, this is her 7th month!

I'll dote, pamper and love her, for as long as I can.

#315

2011-05-03T13:49:00.000+08:00

"You hug him good bye like it’s nothing when all you really want to do is hold on forever. Then you let go, muster a smile and walk away and cry all the way home because you know things will never be the same again. And you know you can’t make somebody love you, and sometimes you have to let them be free, and this letting go, that is when love hurts the most."

-runawaytrain

#314

2011-05-02T17:47:00.001+08:00

"Don't ask yourself what you did wrong or how you could have done it differently. Don’t waste your valuable heart and mind trying to figure out why he did what he did. Or thinking back to all the things he said and wondering what was the truth and what was the lie. The only thing you need to know is that it’s really good news: he’s gone. Hallelujah."

-He's Just Not That Into You

I could use this as a reminder to myself.

I miss you a lot, despite the fact that it's been months. Let me see.. it's been 11 months. I still shed tears whenever I remember the times you wiped my tears with your thumb when I cried, or the days you decide to hug me, or just tell me randomly that you love me through a simple text message. I can't seem to erase them from my mind even if I want to.

I hate you. This hatred of mine towards you is a different one. I know it. It's from too much love. Excess amount of love becomes hatred, I've heard this before. I thought it was crap initially, but now I realise, this can be really true.

"You never loved me. I was just a fling. I must forget you." Despite the numerous attempts to convince myself this, it never gets into my brain. Perhaps it did, but after a few minutes, it disappeared again. And I won't bother to convince the stubborn brain of mine anymore.

I am sorry for taking you for granted.

#313

2011-05-01T13:31:00.003+08:00

"This is life, not heaven.
You don't have to be perfect."
- Gia

#312

2011-04-30T16:02:00.003+08:00

I've been spending my time at home either doing homework or studying for the upcoming examination. I'm well-prepared for an exam for the first time, I must say. Pretty proud of myself and I really hope I can do it well.

I've been a really happy girl lately because I've been shopping!

Recent loots from Cath Kidston & Topshop! Plus one more cropped top from Topshop which I can't seem to find the picture of and leopard printed pullover which is caught my eyes the moment I saw it!! I was really lucky though, I got the last piece! It's from thestylemafia ;)

After getting scammed the last time I don't really dare to shop online anymore at Singapore blogshops but thestylemafia was introduced to me by Michelle so I thought I should take a look. And they're really efficient and I will definitely visit their site again hehe! ;)

-----

Little Charmaine is still my favourite girl, baby and sister.

Haven't been talking about her lately on Twitter/blog because I've been too busy! I make it a point to kiss her at least once everyday though!! Hehe. And she hates me kissing her, she thinks I'm annoying! But Momma says she kisses my picture often whenever I'm not at home! So she secretly likes it, she just doesn't wanna show it out.

She's only 16 months old and she knows these kinda stuffs already. I cannot imagine how smart she'll grow up to be! She's a really intelligent girl and she amazes my family often by the knowledge that are being kept inside her tiny brain!

I really love this baby girl of mine and as selfish as I sound, I hope she'll stay this little, cheeky and innocent because that's really what I love about her.

-----

This should be all for today! I had lots of stuffs in my mind waiting for me to blog about them initially but seems like they've all disappeared from my mind now already!! This happens pretty often so you can't blame me for not blogging much, oh kay.

So I will blog the next long post probably like...... 10 months later?

Just kidding, muarharharhar.
After my examinations, I promise! ;)

#311

2011-04-29T15:43:00.001+08:00

You are the kind who would go and search for pick-up lines if I were to tell you I liked them.

I honestly have got no idea why you're still in my mind. When I break down, I just stare at your number, and wonder how you're doing. I know you're totally fine though, by looking at your Facebook profile. :)

You'll definitely find someone much much much better than me.

#310

2011-04-23T21:06:00.011+08:00

Precious; ♥

Shopping with the bitches was great. Felt so accomplished yesterday (in terms of loots) haha! Meeting them up after so long, it didn't stop us from being as bitchy and talkative as ever, and laughing out loud while walking on the streets in town. And this made me realise that we'll probably never ever be awkward between each other, hehe!

Missing them pretty much right now, to be honest. But I hope they're having fun in school with their new classmates/friends nonetheless. ;)

#309

2011-04-06T20:38:00.001+08:00

I feel like I was the only one who appreciated the whole thing.

At least I've seen the true side, of each and everyone of us. It hurts, it had hurt me so badly. But, there's nothing I can do. I can't probably go and search for a time machine and turn back the time. But even if I do, I would be deceiving myself and all other 6 of us. Because we were all putting a fake smile and laughter at that point of time.

We'll all never be the same ever again, no matter what happens. It's tough to trust each other again, after all that had happened.

I thought we would grow up together, I thought we would see the life of one another change, I thought our group will get bigger eventually with our new partners, I thought we'll still be the same no matter what happens, I thought we'll understand each other more and more as the time passes by, I thought we're the best friends of each other, I thought this will never change.. I never knew these were all my naive thoughts. I never knew that none of y'all had the same thoughts as I do. I never knew..

This clique meant so effing much to me.
But in the end, it meant nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing to you.

So much for "we'll continue being friends after getting our certs, right?".

I was wrong.

#308

2011-03-18T11:11:00.002+08:00

You have no idea how badly I wish I was laying in your bed right now with you, listening to you sing the lyrics; holding me and kissing my neck, just forgetting about the world.

-- mapetitefille ♥

#307

2011-03-17T22:11:00.007+08:00

I GOT SCAMMED BY @SHINeeloveSG's blogshop - http://i-lovekpops.blogspot.com/

Details:
(Please have some IQ EQ whatever Q and read from the bottom to the top okay?)
& you may click to enlarge.

Look, she didn't want to refund me the full amount. I was really pissed because I've always transferred her another $3.50 after she e-mailed me this:

And the reasons why I'm pissed is:

1. It's very irresponsible of her to say that she doesn't have the stock last minute.
I've been trying to make time out to meet her, because she told me that she can't find an envelope to put the big calendar in. This reason is acceptable, since she doesn't want to destroy my calendar. But when I finally could make out time to meet her, she said she doesn't have the stock?! This is not acceptable at all. How can someone be so irresponsible?! Are you even fit to be a blogshop owner, seriously???

2. It's very irresponsible of her to not wanting to refund me the full amount.
I've already transferred her another $3.50 when she asked for it. It's already stated there that the price that we should pay is $24. This sudden added amount is not very right, but I still paid her. And now she still doesn't want to refund me the full amount??

3. I e-mailed her thrice and on three occasions, she didn't reply me.
I've asked her to refund me $27.00 on three occasions, and the last time was yesterday night, between 9pm to 11pm. I've asked her to refund me by 09.00am 17 march (which is today) and when I just checked my iBanking stuffs, she did not refund me. (it's 10.30pm right now) Please note that the first time I asked her to refund me was during February. Guys, it's gonna be April next week ok. It's been two months. How is this tolerable?

4. I'm not asking you all to stop buying stuffs from her, just be careful.
I don't know how she treated her other customers, but this was how she treated me. Please be careful of her.

I don't think she can sue me for defamation or slander because she clearly has yet to refund me my money, ok? And please don't tell me she might have yet to see the e-mail, because she's sooooooooooo active on her Twitter.

#306

2011-03-11T21:53:00.000+08:00

#PRAYFORJAPAN
The favourite country of mine,
that I've ever visited.

#305

2011-03-09T23:46:00.006+08:00

The above picture is totally unedited and I can't believe I look so pale right now. I've been feeling very terrible since last week. But after getting a 4 days mc (as stated on my previous post), I was much better. After going to school on Monday, I feel terrible all over again. Had a major headache in school so got Daddy to bring me to the clinic to consult a doctor. Doctor says it's stress (again, oh God). But I beg to differ :( I've been a happy girl since I-don't-know when! So.. yeah. Doctor gave me a 2 days mc and asked me to sleep early, and have a good rest.

But today, I woke up and sneezed non-stop. Headache gone, but flu is here. Took medicine from last week but didn't work. So, doctor's place again. And fml, I've got fever from my nose infection. Doctor asked me a very stupid question - "Why are you always having infections?" after looking at my past data. Hey, doc, I wish I knew too. God. He gave me 4 different kinds of medicines and he was very reluctant to give me antibiotics initially 'cus I've had too much of them lately. But couldn't help it, my body needs it.

So 2 more days of mc is here. I don't have to attend school till school re-opens. It seems like that. Whatever it is, I just wanna heal up as soon as possible so this illness wouldn't refrain me from meeting up with my hyuksg girls on Saturday for shopping at Haji Lane. And I can't wait till next Tuesday for picnic and kite-flying at Marina Barrage! Oh oh oh, can't forget my appointment with the bitches next Friday for Seoul Garden. My Malacca trip from Saturday till Sunday is important too! I was the one who initiated it to my whole paternal family anyway. :P

Before I go, did you realise I revamped my blog?! It looks so clean and pure right now, I love black&white :D

Gotta get some rest now. Ciaos!

#304

2011-03-06T21:59:00.002+08:00

Random thoughts;;

I feel like I'm the luckiest girl on Earth. Thank God for letting me enter this family. I must have done god damn lots of good deeds in my past life to deserve such awesome parents. I know I should appreciate, I shouldn't take for granted. But I always forget to tell myself this until I realize I took something for granted again. Why, Jessica Tan? Why?

I've lots of "friends" around me but, really. To be honest, I feel that I'm the top 3 only on my bitches' bff list. I'm not you guys' priorities. Not that I'm complaining, I know you guys still care about me and love me but.. Yeah. I'm just not your priority, yknow? And this somehow makes us have communication problems at times.

I swallowed a lot of medicines today. I don't like this feeling. I don't know why. I'm having mood swings. I should be a happy girl, hmm?

School tomorrow. Bye.

#303

2011-03-03T23:00:00.001+08:00

This is a happy post. I'm happy.

It's confirmed, I'm going to Malacca from 19th to 20th! Just staying over for a night. Can't wait!!
Bff's operation was successful!! Pretty eyes are yours!!
Going to meet the bitches on Sat :D

Anyways, I'm still sick so Mummy went to extend my MC dates for me. So... 4 days of MC. I just studied from 3pm to 11pm with just an hour break in between to shower/eat/take care of little Charmaine. I feel a deep sense of satisfaction and accomplished! Gonna study again tomorrow. The whole of today was my rest day, reward to myself for studying such long hours, lol!

Till then!

#302

2011-03-01T22:57:00.002+08:00

Woke up late today and decided to continue sleeping. Went to the doctor's to take a MC and in the end..... I'm diagnosed with nose infection. Wait, what, diagnosed sounds like it's very serious. OK ANYWAY I JUST HAVE NOSE INFECTION OK. It's my first time hearing such term and if it's your first time too, it's just that the inner part of my nose is very swollen and my cheeks tend to hurts when I tap it lightly.

I don't know how I got it. Most probably from my mom who has been sick for like, weeks. Or maybe because I've been sneezing too much these days - since I sit near the windows (which has LOTS of dust on it) in school so.... yeah. And I'm really guilty for not going to school so I'm gonna do ten years series for Physics tomorrow (since I slept the whole day today) and probably write an essay to be submitted to my English teacher.

And wtf I really don't know what is wrong cus my bffs are sick too. Not really sick but... Wanting's gonna have her eye operation on Thursday. And YiLin has a rotten toe.

Wanting's operation is making me very nervous wtf. I don't know why omg. But I know everything will go well!! And she won't need a second one \m/ Get well soon ok plut. I still need your eyes to see Key's perfect pictures \m/

And for YiLin I don't know why the hell she would get a rotten toe and it's totally wtf by the way she says it. Ok maybe because God thinks she's too bitchy so gave her this rotten toe to shut her mouth up to make her stop bitching. But it's obviously useless since she's bitching about someone to me again.

Did I mention mama (my godmother) bought me an iPad! Oh God it's freaking awesome I swear and it made me so happy I just came home to it!! I'm gonna use it really often like how I use my DSLR and make sure mama doesn't feel like she wasted money on this! \o/

Ok byebye.

#301

2011-02-26T12:25:00.002+08:00

45 things girls like.

Touch her waist.
Actually talk to her.
Share secrets with her.
Give her your jacket.
Kiss her slowly.
Hug her.
Hold her.
Laugh with her.
Invite her somewhere.
Hangout with her and your friends together.
Smile with her.
Take pictures with her.
Pull her onto your lap.
When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.
Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
Kiss her unexpectedly.
Hug her from behind around the waist.
Tell her she’s beautiful.
Tell her the way you feel about her.
Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.
If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.
Make her feel loved.
Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!
Don’t lie to her.
DON’T cheat on her.
Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.
Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.
When people diss her, stand up for her.
Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
When walking next to each other grab her hand.
Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
Take her for long walks at night.
Always remind her how much you love her.
Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her.

cr: grayylu-v

#300

2011-02-25T21:11:00.004+08:00

Okay, so... Mummy's been talking to me regarding my obsession for him since the start of the year.

People around me should know how obsessed I really am towards him. To most of the people around me, they think I'm like, the biggest fan of Key. I dare not say I'm the biggest fan of his, but I dare say - I've done a lot of things for him.

I might not have done as much as some of the people (whom I don't know), but to me, it's already A LOT. I've never done so much for someone, let alone someone who doesn't give a damn, doesn't know me at all.

I've been idolising him since one year plus ago. 20 Sept to be exact. (Look!! I even remember the freaking date ok!) And... my life has been revolving around him since then. Revolving around him literally. I think of him wherever I go and my life is all about him. And when I know he's near me and I can't see him, I would cry. But I didn't cry when I see him. All I did was to give a stunned face o.o LOL.

He's perfect in all ways. He's multi-talented and dfghjkdfghjk PERFECT. Nobody can beat his perfection. Don't tell me your bias is perfect because I'm sure nobody is as perfect as him.

Ok so regarding what I've done for him. I've changed my iPhone to a Blackberry, and I'm currently planning to change my laptop to a Macbook because he uses one. Oh, and buy an iPad too. Because he owns one. I don't know if all these are worth it. I'm pretty much sure when I look back to the Jessica Tan when I were 15 years old to 17 years old, I would realise how much money I've fucking wasted on this stupid idol of mine. And I would regret badly how much time I've wasted on him too. I could've used the time to do other more meaningful stuffs like STUDYING or DOING CHARITY WORK. I don't know. But maybe, just maybe, I might idolise him FOREVER. I don't know, lol.

Why am I blogging this useless thing and praising him. He won't see this anyway. OTL.

Bye-bye.
What a 300th post.

#299

2011-02-24T14:38:00.001+08:00

Hello wello :D

I'm currently in the library doing nothing cus its free period time! Uhm yeah blogging on my orangey-yellow blackberry.

Ok so I'm terribly sorry that this blog is dead! Not that I wanted to let it rot like this. I didn't have the time. People who knows/follows me on Twitter should know that I'm repeating one more year in blss eh? :>

It hurts, ngl, to see everyone moving on except for you. But its for my own good, I've come to realise. So.. I'll just strive and work harder to get promoted! :) I believe I can do it this time round. Wish me all the best pl0xzc :D

Was reading my past posts and gawd, I'm amazed!!! I could remeber clearly what posts are for which people! Lmao. I've an awesome memory thankiew :3

I can't wait for the March holidays already. School's been tiring and I really hate some people around me. But.... I can't help it. Cus I'm not close to them :( I can't ask them to shut up everytime they talk :( its torturing!! LOL.

Oh by the way I spent Valentines' Day 2011 alone (again) fml :( I need a valentine :(

Ok I love leewanting! Bye :B

#298

2011-01-10T23:52:00.002+08:00

To sum up my 2010:

Little Charmaine came into my life officially
Went to Bali
Joined EunhyukFacts
Missed 2 chances to see SHINee
Attended Sundown Festival
Attended Korean Pop Night 2010
Attended MNet Ultimate LIVE in Asia
Took O levels'
Grew A LOT fatter
Depressed because of studies thus,
Cried a lot
Formed Sodapias (a.k.a the Lemon Biscuits)
Quitted piano lesson
Started doing a project for Singapore Super Show III (Super Junior)
Dyed hair to red

Resolutions for 2011:

Retake O'levels
Improve on my studies
Go to SP during 2012
Slim down(!!)

#297

2011-01-08T23:11:00.001+08:00

GIRLS' GENERATION
In great condition!;
(only 1 available)
SGD$7

2AM
In great condition!;
(only 1 available)
SGD$6

JAY PARK JAEBUM
In great condition!;
(only 1 available)
SGD$7

2PM & AFTER SCHOOL
In great condition!;
(opposite sides / only 1 available)
SGD$8

IF INTERESTED IN ABOVE POSTERS,
PLEASE CONTACT 9367-7236 OR
MENTION @KEYBROWS ON TWITTER.
ALL MONEY RECEIVED WILL BE DONATED TO A
SINGAPORE SUPER SHOW 3 PROJECT.

Click here for more info regarding the project.

-----------------------------

FT TRIPLE
In great condition!;
(only 1 available)
SGD$10

ZE:A
In great condition!;
(only 1 available)
SGD$10

SUPER JUNIOR BONAMANA VER. A
In great condition!;
(6 available)
SGD$10

SUPER JUNIOR BONAMANA REPACKAGED
In great condition!;
(7 available)
SGD$10

IF INTERESTED IN ABOVE POSTERS,
PLEASE CONTACT 8368-5389 OR
MENTION @TEUKDIMPLES ON TWITTER.
HALF OF THE MONEY RECEIVED WILL BE DONATED TO A
SINGAPORE SUPER SHOW 3 PROJECT.

Click here for more info regarding the project.

-----------------------------

You may add SGD$2 more to the stated price to participate in this project!
You'll be able to write a message for Eunhyuk in a scrapbook
which we're currently doing for him!

Please help us out by buying your favourite Korean artistes' posters!

#296

2011-01-01T11:48:00.000+08:00

It's a new year!

So basically I spent the last day of my new year with my SGSS3 project admins.. And if you're wondering, yep I'm currently doing a project for SS3! For Eunhyuk, to be exact.

I love the girls (admins) so much I don't even know what to say! It's always fun when we're together. I appreciate their tolerance towards all my nonsenses and rantings about everything, anything!

We got close during such a short period of time. I love them so much :)

After meeting up with my project admins, I met up with beloved sdps! I can't tell you how lovely they are, seriously! We watched a movie and just spent the last night of 2010 together :) Time spent with them is always.... awesome. No matter what we do :)

New year resolutions up next post/tomorrow! ^^

#295

2010-12-16T23:45:00.001+08:00

Had a good gathering and catch-up with ex-classmates. Missing them already.. Hope they had fun during the overnight. Meet up soon lovelies! :)

#294

2010-12-14T22:59:00.001+08:00

Went to Lake Park for the first time then Veron's house to slack! I loveeeeee them, so freaking much!!

#293

2010-12-13T23:21:00.003+08:00

Christmas shopping was amazing! Went to Jurong Point and Bugis, then home for Pizza Hut for dinner. Mommy's treat! ;)

Never fail to have fun with them everytime we gather together. I hope they had fun too! :)

#292

2010-12-03T18:50:00.000+08:00

'Change your facebook profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. Until Monday there should be no human faces on Facebook, just an invasion of memories. In support of a campaign against violence for Children.'

#291

2010-11-28T22:39:00.003+08:00

Charmaine's first cruise trip.

She was so excited that she didn't want to take a nap.
She couldn't stop exploring around and was a really happy girl.

No matter what she does, it always makes my day.

#290

2010-11-27T11:11:00.000+08:00

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me… cus I’m not doing so great without you.

#289

2010-11-26T09:30:00.000+08:00

Time passes. Memories fade. Feelings change. People leave.
But hearts never forget.
— Cherlynn Shakespeare

#288

2010-11-25T11:16:00.002+08:00

My precious baby. Really glad that she's growing up healthily, it doesn't matter that she's mischievous and playful. As long as she's happy and healthy, I'm glad. :) And guess what?

She's gonna be ONE year old in twenty-one days' time!

Love my precious baby to the max!

#287

2010-11-24T22:24:00.004+08:00

Finding a friendship like ours is like nailing jello to a tree:

impossible.

"To like and dislike the same things, that is indeed true friendship."
- Sallust

#286

2010-11-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

Glitter & Glamour
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

#285

2010-11-23T13:58:00.003+08:00

I may regret the way we ended, but I will never regret what we had.

#284

2010-11-11T23:11:00.002+08:00

HAPPY PEPERO DAY!

In ten years time,
I would like to be the girl you're celebrating pepero day with.
That's my ambition. ;)

#283

2010-11-10T23:10:00.008+08:00

S-O-D-A-P-I-A
(!)

Jordon's house today! Played the guitar, piano and violin. Play DDR and Wii too. Watched a movie (The Last Song, it sucks by the way) too~ Had dinner too~ Yes we did a lot there.

Anyway I love them very much!!

#282

2010-11-09T22:55:00.003+08:00

"My new clique!" -DamienDelirious
Love y'all so much!! <3333

#281

2010-11-08T12:04:00.000+08:00

Me: Walao eh. Jaejoong 有八个姐姐, 为什么我只有一个!?
Sis: 你他妈的, 你有一个还一个不好吗? 我酱疼你!

I agree with her. I've the best sister on Earth.
I'm sure your sister can never be compared to mine, trust me.
:)

#280

2010-11-07T13:53:00.000+08:00

"We’ll say goodbye and you’ll walk away the way you always do.
Then we’ll both pretend that nothing happened and we never knew each other.
Because that’s what happens. You find people, and then you lose them.
And it’s those goodbyes, the ones you thought you’d never have to say that hurt the most."

#279

2010-11-06T00:00:00.002+08:00

SUPER JUNIOR

這五年來所有的歡笑與淚水都是你們帶給我們的謝謝你們為我們妖精們而努力
接下來的十年十五年到五十年
我們一定會在你們身邊的我們永遠愛你們!

Thank you for everything in this five (one and the half for my case) years.
Love all FIFTEEN of you so so so so so much!
I promise I'll stay by your side(s) for the next fifty years! :)

#278

2010-11-05T23:58:00.000+08:00

Met up with the most lovely people in my life this evening. Went for shopping at Orchard area and had Billy Bombers for dinner. I love them so much. I'm praying really hard that God isn't gonna bring them away from me.

Can't wait for the chalet already!!

#277

2010-11-01T11:05:00.003+08:00

I ♥ Almighty Key.

#276

2010-10-30T11:35:00.005+08:00

No matter what happens, bear in mind that true Shawols will always be by your side.
Most importantly, your family and members will be. Please stay strong.
Keep yourself healthy, take care of your injured ankle too.
And please cheer up; we all miss your smile.
Love you very very very very much.
♥

#275

2010-10-24T10:34:00.003+08:00

KOREAN POP NIGHT CONCERT 2010

View pictures here & here! :)

Not-so-detailed fan account:

FT Island

Jaejin is super friendly!
Hongki stripped his blazer off while singing halfway.
Jonghun looks really handsome in real life!
Seunghyun was really cute :)
FT Island's LIVE band skills are really awesome!
Hongki's voice is amazing!
Jonghun was quite shocked because the fans were kinda really crazy.. ^^

The Boss

Karam is really preeeeetty~!

ZE:A

Kwanghee talked in his usual high pitched voice for self-intro.
Dongjun looks pretty short in real life.

SHINee

Key smiled and twisted to me! v^^
Key and Minho seems to be in a good mood that day.
Onew didn't smile as much as I expected him to.
Taemin looks pretty tired.
Key looks a lot more good-looking in real life.
Minho looks hotter in real life too!
During the finale, TaeKey were talking about something to each other then Key suddenly laughed really hard and hit Tae's shoulder. Cute TaeKey moment ;)

SNSD

The girls are really gorgeous in real life.
Hyoyeon has a pretty smile.
Yoona was pretty much 'outstanding'.
My attention was all on Yoona, Yuri and Taeyeon.
Seohyun looks prettier in real life.
Jessica and Tiffany spoke in English during the interview.
Taeyeon and Sunny are really petite!

Big Bang

The crowd went pretty much crazy when it was their turn to perform.
GD has a pretty much different kinda charisma on stage.
GD looks much hotter in real life!
I love TOP's eyes to the max!
Daesung is cute.
Taeyang looks pretty short in real life. He was very near to me.

#274

2010-10-10T22:10:00.002+08:00

Kite-flying with family @ ECP!

This outing was a last minute plan and we met up at 5pm and flew the kite till about 7pm before heading to Clementi for dinner. Awesome day out today! Love my family to the max!

♥

#273

2010-10-07T21:55:00.000+08:00

Hotel stay-overs @ RWS!

Hard Rock Hotel 25(-26) September 2010!

#272

2010-10-06T21:25:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 21ST MY BELOVED COUSIN!

This is pretty much a belated post because she had her celebration on 25 September. But well, I was busy.. But anyway, it was a fun night! ;) Little Kayden is forever adorable! ^^

#271

2010-10-04T10:19:00.002+08:00

(Day 10: 10 ways to win your heart)

Hugs. :)
I fall for sweet-talking(s) really easily..
Boys lovin' kpop is really cool, hehehe!
Telling me you love me every now and then~ :)
A good night message every night ;)
A good morning message every morning ;)
Showing how much you care for me in a not-so-obvious way :/
Boys who're willing to give girls his sweater.. :)
Being able to communicate with me. Something like having a similar topic with me..
Being sweet is just really important to me heh.

#270

2010-10-03T09:17:00.001+08:00

(Day 9: 10 of your favorite shows)

Giving this a skip 'cuz there are just too many to be listed out! :)

#269

2010-10-02T13:07:00.003+08:00

(Day 8: 10 of your favorite songs)

I'm a kpopper (you should know that). I definitely have more than these but these are the songs I've been obsessed with lately~

Hello (SHINee)
Lucifer (SHINee)
A Short Journey (Super Junior)
No Other (Super Junior)
Soom/Breathe (BEAST)
Mastermind (BEAST)
Genie [Japanese Ver.] (SNSD)
Go Away (2NE1)
Can't Nobody (2NE1)
Sarang x3 (FT Island)

#268

2010-10-01T12:48:00.001+08:00

(Day 7: 10 important people)

Mummy
Daddy
Sister
Grandma (mum's side)
Grandpa (mum's side)
All my cousins :)
Key key key key baby baby baby~ (LOL)
My classmates!
People who are around me often~
People I love.

#267

2010-09-30T12:41:00.001+08:00

(Day 6: 10 items you can’t live without)

DSLR
Laptop
Internet
My first iPhone
My second iPhone
Pillows
Bed
Water (LOL I'm serious)
A picture of Key in my room
My asthma Ventolin inhaler(!!)

#266

2010-09-29T13:33:00.003+08:00

(Day 5: 10 wishes)

Myself to be well soon!
Get my French certificate!
Things for myself to be okay.
Get my Korean language certificate!
Get my Japanese language certificate!
Everything in my family to stay this way~
Pass O levels' and~
Get into the course I really want next year!
MacBook!
Be happy :)

#265

2010-09-28T13:01:00.004+08:00

(Day 4: 10 things you want to say to one person)

I really really can't stop thinking about what would have happened if we hadn't given up on each other.
That three weeks was my happiest period in this year.
I regretted not telling you how I felt, honestly.
I really wish you would know what is in my mind.
Where have all your promises went to?
I demanded a reason for your leave.
I swear miss those days but
I still miss you the most.
All I wanted was a happy ending.
Where are you now..?

#264

2010-09-27T11:30:00.002+08:00

(Day 3: 10 things you hate)

People who acts like they know everything when in fact they know NOTHING.
Singers that can't sing but has high popularity :/
Things that look awful..?
Grammar mistakes!!
"So near yet so far"
Promise breakers.
Falling in love
Smelly stuffs D:
Fake fans :D
Being sick!!

#263

2010-09-26T11:25:00.002+08:00

(Day 2: 10 things you love)

Key key key key baby baby baby!
My whole family! :D
Gatherings!
People with contagious smiles :)
Photography
Music
Writing/Reading
Roses and sunflowers
Helping people who are worth it :)
People who cares

#262

2010-09-25T23:36:00.003+08:00

(Day 1: 10 things about you)

I'm kinda... retarded. LOL.
I hate exams... D:
I've a dad, mom and sister at home. I'm the youngest ^^
I love my family :3
I'm sixteen currently~
I'm madly obsessed with Key... it's been a year plus. LOL.
I like KPOP and Mandopop :D
I play the piano~
I love languages :3
I wanna learn the Korean language ^^

#261

2010-09-24T12:14:00.002+08:00

I wanna try this out :D

Day 1: 10 things about you
Day 2: 10 things you love
Day 3: 10 things you hate
Day 4: 10 things you want to say to one person
Day 5: 10 wishes
Day 6: 10 items you can’t live without
Day 7: 10 important people
Day 8: 10 of your favorite songs
Day 9: 10 of your favourite shows
Day 10: 10 ways to win your heart

#260

2010-09-23T00:00:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
You're nineteen!

Thank you for being the perfect Kim Kibum that all Lockets/I love!
Stay hot, pretty, beautiful, cool, handsome, bitchy, fun-loving.
Sometimes, I think you're too perfect to be a human but that's okay!
Because I love you :D

Please stay healthy, always.
♥

#259

2010-09-22T15:13:00.001+08:00

When I thought of you, something inside me shifts.
I wonder if it's shattering or messily placing itself back together...

#258

2010-09-21T14:26:00.001+08:00

I wish I had the guts to just leave and walk away from this, forgetting everything we ever had. But I know you wouldn’t come after me, and that’s what hurts the most.

#257

2010-09-20T11:11:00.003+08:00

오 그대 맘에 닿고 싶은 날 말하지
못해 시린 구름 뒤에 가린 별빛들처럼
사랑해 입술 끝에 맴돌던 아픈 고백 모두
끝내 눈물에 흘러

심장에 닿은 이 화살은 이젠 내 몸 같겠죠
죽을 만큼 너무 아파도
내 맘에 박힌 그대를 꺼낼 수 없네요
사랑이라서 난 사랑이라서

나 그댈 갖지 못해도 내 맘이
끝내 슬픈 인연의 벽 앞에 가로막혀도
사랑해 바라볼 수만 있는 곳이라면
그댄 내 전부니까

#256

2010-09-19T13:48:00.000+08:00

Hotel stay-overs @ RWS!

Hotel Michael on 14(-15) August 2010!

Festive Hotel on 11(-12) Sept 2010!

#255

2010-09-18T13:35:00.000+08:00

Don’t worry about me and go away. I’ll disappear, (with) no strings attached.
I’ll meet someone so much better, I’ll make you regret it all.

#254

2010-09-15T22:29:00.004+08:00

I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if we hadn't given up on each other.

#253

2010-09-10T15:53:00.000+08:00

그리워해요...

I wanna get back to the old days where the phone would ring & I knew it was you.